Loving Myself
Hello! My name is Kylie Lo and I suffer from depression and anxiety.
As I have struggled with mental health, I've also noticed that it's hard to stay positive when you hate yourself. Yes, I know, hate is a strong word, but it is the word I used a lot when describing how I felt about myself. I hated that I didn't have a perfect body, I hated that I wasn't always the nicest, I hated that I wasn't a perfect daughter... the list goes on and on. But as I grow older, I'm learning that I don't need anybody's validation but my own -- that in order for me to continue growing, I needed to learn how to love myself. I needed to stop telling myself that I was a disappointment to my family and my friends. If I was going to realize my self-worth, I was going to have to figure out a way to appreciate me for who I am.
As I am learning, I am realizing that there's a lot of things that I do love about myself. For one, I'm an incredibly good listener. I am very empathetic, so many of my friends come to me to talk and vent. I think that there are a lot of people out in the world today that lack empathy. It's not something that can be taught. I love that I am trying to work through my struggles. I can admit that I am struggling, and I can get help with it. Though the list may be short now, I am sure if I really thought about it, I could come up with more. It's always easier to find things you dislike about yourself than finding things you love about yourself. I'm still trying to find myself and be the best I can be.
ourself. I'm still trying to find myself and be the best I can be.
Give yourself time. Be gentle with yourself. Do not compare yourself to others (which is much easier said than done), and most importantly, appreciate that you are truly one of a kind. There is never going to be another "you" in this world. Our struggles, achievements, emotions, and experiences all make us unique. Don't ever let anyone tell you that you are like someone else, because you aren't. Learning to love yourself starts off with you. The best thing about it is that no one can tell you how to love yourself. There might be bad days, but the good always overshadows the bad. I can say that because this week has been really hard on me. I am emotionally drained. I cannot tell you how many tears were shed. I told myself that I wasn't good enough. But that is the anxiety trying to take over. I know that I cannot let it win. I allowed myself to grieve, I allowed myself to show emotion because guess what? We are all human. We are allowed to feel things. We are allowed to express how we feel, even if we don't feel great all the time. My journey to loving myself hit a bump in the road. But I knew that I was going to recover. Because I am resilient. And I will conquer.
To conclude, I want to share some things that I have done to help me love myself.
Appreciate that you are here and that you are alive. One thing that someone has taught me is that you need to enjoy the little things. I've found that the more beauty I see in the world, I see it in myself as well. A simple smile from you is enough to make someone's day!
Do not compare yourself to others. Like I said, this is easier said than done, but you will be SO MUCH HAPPIER when you allow yourself to be different than everyone around you. Comparing your life and worth to someone else is the number one way to start hating who you are as a person. When you get into that dark hole of disliking yourself, you become resentful and it does not do anything to improve your mental health.
Tell yourself that you matter. There is a reason that you are here. Maybe you don't know what your purpose is yet, and that's okay. I don't think any of us really know what we're doing. Every morning, I look in the mirror and I think to myself, "You are beautiful. You are worthy. You are capable of being loved, and loving yourself". This may sound stupid and annoying, but I can assure you that this has helped so much. If you get into the mindset that you are a beautiful human being, (which I am sure you all are), the easier it becomes throughout the day to see your value.
Find yourself through something you love. ENJOY THE LITTLE THINGS. When you appreciate your own hobby or talent, you begin to realize that you are more than what your depression or anxiety tells you.
Allow yourself to be human. I've mentioned this before and I will mention it again: it is okay to not be okay. This whole process of loving yourself is hard. The road isn't always going to be easy, and some days you might take a few steps back. Just know that you can always recover and continue on that road again. No one is ever going to reach it within a few days. This is something that could take years! And it's okay if you aren't where you want to be. You will reach it. Just enjoy where you are now.
Be patient. This isn't something that will happen overnight. We are always learning about who we are, and who we want to become. No matter how old, we are constantly changing. And that's okay. Change can be good. Realize that you have your own talents and gifts to offer to the world.
Take time for yourself. Pamper yourself! Treat yourself!!! Do what makes you feel good about yourself. For me, it could be doing my nails, getting my eyebrows done, or just napping. Find things that you enjoy. Find things that make you feel confident.
Do not let anyone define your worth. It can be so hard to not get caught up in what other people say about you. I know that I have always felt like I wasn't worth it if I didn't get a job I applied for, a role I auditioned for, or even a good grade in school. In the end, those things will never define how worthy you are. I truly believe that we were all born worthy.
Give yourself the same love you give to everyone else. It is so easy to put others before you because you care for them. I am a person that feels sooooo much. With all the energy and love and care I give to someone else, I have realized that I should give it to myself too. I need to take care of myself just as I take care of others. It can be so draining to always put others before your own needs. It has been a hard year so far, but I am slowly realizing that I am not broken. I am whole. I am learning who I am, and who I want to become.
Let go of things that make you unhappy. It can be exhausting being around toxic relationships and jobs that make you unhappy. It takes an emotional toll on you and can leave you wondering why you seem to hate yourself so much. Toxic relationships are a completely different topic, but it is so relevant in learning to love yourself. Find people and things that make you feel like you are on top of the world.
Protect your joy. Sometimes, it's good to do things that are just for you. If it doesn't make someone else happy, that's okay. If you are happy about it, don't let anyone stop you.
Don't change for others. Appreciate that you are you for a reason. Do not change yourself so they like you. If they don't like you already, it is their loss. Don't lie and become someone you never wanted to be in the first place. Be honest with who you are.
Lastly, love yourself unapologetically. Don't ever say sorry for wanting to love who you are.
There are so many other things I could include in this list, but these are just a few things that I have used in my life to start loving myself. Yes, I am struggling. But I am trying. And I will keep trying until I love myself. Once I get there, I will continue to love myself unconditionally, because I deserve it. And so do you.
